Garrett (garote) wrote,

Wherein Brent, Andy, and I watch "The Spice Channel"

Written March 16, 1991:

I went to Andy's newest house, and helped them move stuff in. (Brought in that huge table all by myself - weight training has been doing me good!) Used the pocketknife I got in that trade with Martin to disassemble some boxes in the light rain and put them under the house.

So, here I am in Andy's third house.

Next to me is a gray vise, a yellow bag filled with farty -uh- PARTY favors (baloons, kazoos, etc.), and a black-and-white monitor with an RS-232 cable on it (that I am going to give to Martin.) Also here, between the yellow bag and the vise, is a brown hairbrush with bristles like nails. All around me people are opening boxes and looking through them for something. Anisa keeps on asking Willy "Found it?" and he says "Nope." "How can a whole box of shoes just up and disappear?" and a little later "I found it!" I turn around to see what it is, and see a box of shoes.

Willy enters the room, holding some Right Guard and some other deodorant I can't see right now. He puts an electric shaver on the desk I am sitting at. Brent and Andy are in the next room. We went under the house and a guy came and drilled a hole in the floor to hook up our cable and exchange boxes. He has a little sticker of a dinosaur on his clipboard that he said his kid gave to him.

The people in the next room seem to have a comedy show on, I can hear lots of artificial laughing. Lots of it. Anisa leaves the room carrying two pairs of black shoes. All the software that's unpacked and in this room is Flight Simulator II, Copy II Plus, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Proterm, which I am currently typing on.

This morning I had a wierd dream. Or maybe it was yesterday. I remember a section of it where I was walking along the beach and came upon this mean looking dog. He was actually friendly, though, and I talked with him for awhile (though I don't know how.) The beach was littered with all kinds of trinkets, peices of metal, cigarette butts, washers, ashes, dirt, coins, etc. Next to the dog was a huge plant growing up out of the sand like a beanstalk. It looked slimy, and was a deep leafy green color. It was twisted and humped, but it seemed to go generally straight up.

Then I looked to where the ocean should be, and saw a black fence sticking out of a long mound of sand. Beyond it was another stretch of sand, just as littered, and beyond that a little ways was another black fence. Behind the fence was what appeared to be a garden, but I didn't notice much.

Anyway, between these two fences was another dog like the first one, except this one wasn't friendly. He was mean. He snapped at my face as I stuck it through the bars of the fence. Before this section I remember letting go of a kid and seeing him slide down an all-dirt hill to end up being caught by his mother who was standing in a bathrobe on the other side of a bathtub, that the dirt hill ended at. This was not out in the open, it seemed to be in some kind of cavern.

Before this section was a part where me and a bunch of my pseudo-friends were at a huge grand theatre, and had to wait through one particularly boring movie to be able to see the one we wanted to see. I can't remember the name of either movie, but it's probably not important.

This other dream I had a few days ago was even weirder.

I remember being chased by this dark-red dinosaur through the trails in the creek. He and I were apparently having an argument. He said his race was better because they laid eggs, or something like that. I remember running from him into the deep forest, of vines and stuff, and following the trail as it went under a big bush of vines and then turned into a cavern, illuminated by eerie green light glowing through the leaves.

I thought "Oh, hell, not this place again." And just aftar that this puppet popped up from behind a bush in the cavern and said "hi" to us.

Then later in the dream we apparently went to his house (he looked a lot like that puppet you see on the howdy-doody show) and talked with him and his owner, or operator - at least that's what he seemed like. He started talking about the time he was rafting down the river, and making good progress too, when he had to get a drink, because his master (or whoever) had packed him a sack lunch to eat on the river, and it had two soft drinks in it (a coke and a pepsi) so for some reason the guy let go of both oars and tried to open both drinks at once. Well, this was a bad idea apparently, because when he told the story to me he laughed like he'd been stupid to do that or something.

And in another dream I now remember, a long time ago, maybe even years, I remember I was IN the game the Bards Tale III. Or was it IV!? And I went through the town and got some characters, and wandered through this dungeon in the dark and kept bumping into walls, and I was in this big mess hall where alot of dark warriors with swords were eating dinner.

It's amazing how many things you can remember when you get started. Why, I can even remember that dream I had where I climbed up a hill made of discarded toilets!!! And it had trees growing out of it, and everything. And I remember the dream where I was wandering through Santa's Village, that old abandoned amusement park (that's burned down now - no relation to us pyros) and I was inside it and it was like a big funhouse... And I had some kind of strange adventure there.

And I remember the dream where I was infiltrating this kind of base on the top of a hill, and I went into the public bathroom up there, and put my head under one of the shower heads, and I was sucked up into it, and appeared somewhere else in the complex. I ran up the stairs up out of this other bathroom and went across a room where they were filming some kind of movie or something, and grabbed some tapes (yes, tapes) and ran back. And I was being chased down the hill by this smart guy with a gun, and I ran so fast I began flying and then I woke up.

And there was that dream where I went into this HUGE clean, nicely furnished, house, that was supposed to be haunted, that we were living in for awhile, and I remember waking up in the middle of the night (still in the dream) and walking through that house, and seeing gardens and rooms and stuff. And I remember the time I was running down the stairs of my relatives house and I was going so fast I could take steps 20 or so at a time, and I got to the bottom and ran across the room, and I had this premonition that the "ghoul" would be waiting just at the door to get me, and sure enough, when I got to the door, I looked to the side and there he was capering in his cloak. And his face all lit up like the librarian ghost in that movie Ghostbusters, and I was scared as hell. And -

"Hi, I'm Angel, are you ready to fuck your brains out?"

Andy and Brent are watching the "SPICE" channel on TV. It sounds hilarious. Think I'll go join them.

"Yeah, I hate that commercial. These people are rioting at the base of a mountain and Igor walks out and says 'you can eat cake!' "


"Actually, that doesn't... look much like a cake..."


"More like.... a pan fulla shit"

"Hmph. yeah!" ... "Shit. This cake is the wierdest fucking cake I've ever fucking had in my whole god damn life!"


Andy fools with the oven.

I say: "Hmmm. A place to store pans, right?"


"Just like my oven, you keep pans in there, and... Eh?"

"No, it's actually a double broiler"


"Yeah, you can broil steaks in it and stuff."

"Hmmm!" (Opens cabinet, takes out glass resembling Easter Island statue) "These glasses are neat!"


"Must be expensive too... Hmph! DROP! SHATTER! heh heh!"

"Yeah, just the other day I got in big trouble for breaking one of those. Of the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh degree! ... Hey, c'mere. Let me show you what a broiler looks like. It has this HUGEASS flame in there!"

"...You can eat cake."

"Yeah, I HATE that commercial. It SUCKS!"

"You can suck your cake!"

"Hmph! yeah! It's like this revolutionary new idea..."

"Here, have a carrot." (Toss)

(Catch) "Hm..." (Looks at it funny)

"No, it's not diseased or anything!!!"

"Yeah, I know... It's just wet..." (Eats it)

"Yeah, it's been pickled!"

"Yeah?" (Flames shooting out of ears) "... In WHAT!?"

"Pepper brine! And onions, and garlic, and vinegar, and..."

(Four alarm fire ensuing)

(Brent stumbles in) "What time is it?"

"Just about a half hour after you went to bed."

".... FUCK you!" (Laughing) (Brent breaks into a silly Brent-Grin)

Brent: "Hmmmm... Somebody's home video." (Annoying flute music in background) (Very annoying)

"Yeah... Does it say PERSONAL SPICE in the background?"

"Yeah. She's kinda cute, too..."

"Hmmm... Yeah, I hate that annoying music they always add."


"Hmmm...." (Finishes eating burrito) "That was nice and SPICEy! Pun pun pun!"

"AaAArArAgh!" (Large nasal explosion, lots of snorting)

".....anybody want some sardines?" (OBVIOUSLY Andy)

"Heh heh!"


"You sound just like my Dad! He puts sardines on his pancakes!!"


"Yeah, with syrup! And wheat germ..."

Brent: "So, what time is it, Andy?"

"Agh, Brent! It's about 2:40am!"

"They're having a contest."

"What kind of contest is it?"

"Hmmm...! A tight-**** contest on SPICE!"

"Yeah right!!"

"With the ****-Ometer! Yeah... It's like this big **** with a dial on the end!"

Later that night, we watched the beginning of the movie "Oddballs" with "Camp Bottomout" and that naïve kid Chris, and all those damn sight gags. (Gag!) Everyone fell asleep halfway through it. Through that whole day, it seems I consumed SIX cans of coke.

In the morning I exchanged the old Nintendo for the black-and-white monitor and modem cable, and went home.

The rest of the day I hung out on BBSes, and talked with dad about my grades. He said, "the first thing to look for in a potential drug user is lack of interest. No interest in life. Boredom." He is worried about me. I don't know what to do.
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