When one absorbs so much information this fast, it's hard to give it an accurate shape. Perhaps what I'm lacking is feedback. Or perhaps the missing element is a feeling of mutual enthusiasm. I'm not sure how much of the patterns I detect are simply my own fickle hallucinations.
I feel as though I am being stalked, by that skeptical mindset that has been trying to invade me since last month ... the one with the voice that says, "Give up. Your desires are not returnable. Your interest will never be mutual. Take your savings and your music and your scraps of code and get to work, by yourself, because your culture and country is just not likely to contain the entity you seek."
I hate that mindset, and it's bitter nagging voice.