Garrett (garote) wrote,

  • Mood:
I have just prepared a meal so disturbing, so clamorous, so intolerable, that I must write about it.

Take a saucepan. Fill it about halfway with milk and flour, then add a big chunk of butter. Toss in some salt. Simmer this down until you've got a thick sauce.

Put some water on. When it boils, add some pasta. Make it a big honkin' handful of the dry stuff, we want a fair amount. I used some special ravioli with italian sausage in it, mmmmmm, 'cause I had that in the freezer. Cook the pasta and drain it.

Set your oven to 400 degrees. Take a meatloaf pan, pour a bunch of olive oil into it.


Mix the olive oil around on the garlic, before shutting the oven. You're gonna want to leave this stuff in there for about a half an hour, at least. You should hear the olive oil boiling in small pockets, and the garlic should have a very brownish texture when you take it out.

Pour the thick sauce you made into a blender, and then pour in all the garlic. Drain out the extra olive oil if you want ... the garlic absorbed most of mine.

Blend, on a medium setting. Shake the cup around. Repeat, five or six times. Note that the volume will decrease as the garlic gets chopped.

Try some of it. Does it set your mouth on fire? Is it impossible to eat? No problem. Pour it into a wide frying pan, and add milk. A half a cup or so. Stir and simmer it until it's got that near-sweet caramel flavor of long-roasted garlic.

Add a double-handful of grated parmesean cheese directly into your sauce.

Mix your sauce and pasta into a large tupperware container. Using tupperware is important... You must be able to put a lid on this shit when you're not eating it.

Shake it around if you like, but note that heat will transfer to the air in the container, popping the lid off. This may make a mess. Careful!

Reactions upon eating this:

With the lid off, my eyes water and my nose runs. If I get too close I'm prone to a sneezing fit.

When I eat a chunk of it, the taste has a mouth-gripping wham effect that isn't derived from spicyness, but from the unique penetrating caramel-wood flavor characteristic to garlic. Ordinarily, this much garlic would kill a man, but the long cooking time has mellowed out the burn. Just the same, my breath is so strong it seems to warp light whenever I exhale, like pavement does on a hot day.

And the crickets aren't chirping any more.
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