Garrett (garote) wrote,

More Oblivion tomfoolery

The game tracks the concept of stealing. Items that belong to someone else are marked with a red cursor when you try to pick them up, so you can avoid breaking the law. The game is also clever enough to know when no one is looking, and if no one sees you take a red-marked item, no one calls for the guards.

The good news is, walking on things is never a crime. And when you walk over small things, you occasionally kick them or shove them aside. So where does this naturally lead?

Table dancing!

If you're in the local pub and feeling snotty, just leap onto a table and start wiggling. The patrons seated around you will not even bat an eyelash as you send their cups, bread, mutton, placemats, beer, and candlesticks bouncing all over the floor. If you find the house wine to be particularly offensive, feel free to draw your broadsword and chop the bottle right off the bar. Kick the statues down off the mantlepiece. Go on, get jiggy. Just don't pick any of it up! They hate that!

In general, townsfolk are pretty oblivious. Lately I've taken to summoning Daedroth - a six-foot-tall, asthmatic man-lizard who looks completely ridiculous when he runs but can apparently scrape so hard with his claws that he can hit creatures that are technically non-corporeal, like ghosts. I've kept up with the summoning practice, so now I summon Daedroth in odd places. Just a while ago I summoned him in a small room I was preparing to burglarize, and he appeared on the bed, on top of a sleeping shopkeeper. Daedroth stood there wheezing away, and the shopkeeper didn't wake up. Even when I shoved him out of the way so I could pilfer the bedside table and he stomped all over the guy's head. Setting aside the fact that Daedroth probably weighs eight hundred pounds, and setting aside that cacophonous wheezing, don't you think the smell of a man-lizard would be enough to wake you up?

I love these arbitrary edges between realism and programming. They just beg for some kind of humorous explanation - or at least, exploitation. Heh heh heh.
Tags: oblivion

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