I listened to a quick burn of the track on repeat all the way to and from work today, and when I got home I sat in the car and kept listening to it, for another ten minutes, mesmerized, buried in another world. Rocking back and forth, my skull cycling at the top of my throat like the knob on a flagpole. I was caught up in the timeless pulse of the beat I had created.
Suddenly I knew, with the slightest whisper from the back of my mind, that I was whole again. The voice said "Welcome back".
Somehow, over the last few days, I passed a final threshhold, with the jogging and the composing and the good food, and a few key conversations. I have reclaimed all those happy nuances that I had to put aside when I left my significant other over a year ago. The pieces of her that I adored, and pulled into myself, are now my own property. When you see me, you are actually seeing an offspring of the mental union we had shared. And I am strong.
I've placed the mp3 online if you're curious. Dialup users be wary - it's 9 megabytes in size.
I also futzed around with Cubase more today, but quickly grew irritated at how some of the simplest adjustments I could make in CoolEdit Pro are nearly impossible in that program. In CoolEdit Pro I could see the sounds and the waveforms, and line them up visually, down to the sample, then repeat sections to make fine timing adjustments by ear. In Cubase, you get THE GRID. And woe be to you if you want to work outside of THE GRID. Like say, change tempo on a curve.
I've also gotten used to having a spectral analysis tool. It takes the guesswork out of filtering, and retaining clarity with each instrument in a layer. Where the hell is this in Cubase? I scoff!
I go on run now.