I woke up ANGRY, but then I talked with L3X0r some more, finished up my resume, and drove over the hill.
When I walked up to the LiM office, their logo was no longer on the door. I walked in and the entire place was occupied by a bustling real-estate business. I said, "Oh well, what the heck, are you guys hiring?" and handed them a copy of my resume.
"Golly gosh! I hope my favorite company didn't dissolve in my absence!"
Nah. I drove to the other office, and everyone was there. Gave my resume to Marge (my personal heroine) and caught up with her. Then she took me on a tour of the OTHER building.
LiM is thriving. Along with the first office, they now occupy all three floors of the adjacent building. New flat-panel iMacs are on every other desk. Everyone has two or three monitors. Large wooden desks. Comfortable chairs. Bay windows.
There is a gigantic rack of servers set up in their basement. The original fileserver I built for them, LOAF, is on the top floor and is now a development machine. Work has been simply pouring in, and Marge was doing 80 and 90 hour weeks earlier this summer, and had to cancel flights to Singapore, Peking, and Alaska as well as several interviews, just to stay on her feet.
We talked about old projects and new, in her office. She wants to know when's the soonest I can begin.
It's amazing. It's like I stepped on a land mine earlier this week, and it blasted me apart, and now I've died and gone to heaven. I'm going to work for my favorite company, doing the work I do best, in a town full of my favorite things, with no debts, a cool new laptop, and even a fresh haircut!
And renting in a house at a great price, and the rent isn't going to some evil rental company, but a fine friend of mine!
The ANGER of the earlier events is still with me, of course. Searing in the back of my head. And to clarify, no, I'm not angry at her. I understand why she had to do what she did now, even if she did go about it VERY POORLY. My reaction has probably left an impression nasty enough to teach her to be more careful next time the horizon calls her.
I'm angry at all of reality.
The universe is, essentially, random. Or, if you prefer, governed by a higher power that has plans and designs beyond the scope of simply making one person happy. But I prefer to think of it as, the universe is essentially random. Same deal either way. So. There has always been a chance that a relationship I've been in could go like this ... with me being lied to, deceived, and then summarily pushed out. Always a chance of it happening. It didn't have to happen, of course.
BUT IT DID.
And that's why I'm angry. Because circumstances entirely beyond my influence have conspired to throw that garbage in my path. When I didn't need it, or want it, or expect it. I mean, really, this was NOT anything I needed to live through. Really.
BUT IT HAPPENED ANYWAY.
How do you like that.
My anger with creation is pushing me forward. I shot out of Carlsbad like I was on rocket skates. Now I've apparently landed in paradise -- the world's way of apologizing, perhaps, making it up for me. Well it's not enough. I intend to remain angry at reality for a while now. Tear at it, laugh at it, dive into it, spit it out, kick it around.
I deserve this. After all, I've put in a great deal of time thinking and pondering and learning what's right and what's just a waste of time, over the years. I don't watch soap-operas, I'm not a stimulant fiend, and I got over the novelty of the "wired" a good while ago.
I'm ANGRY, and I have a lot to do.