Garrett (garote) wrote,
Garrett
garote

No sleep.

My Dad gave me an interesting description of the way dating and relationships work, a year or so ago. He summed it up like this: "People reject, and reject, and reject, until they get tired of rejecting."

Heh. What can you say,

when they declare on the way in

that this time, it's worth it, so this time, I will put in the work. I will weather the arguments, I will not wander, I will sacrifice my time, or friends, or posessions, or job, or all of them, when the need arises, I will start the family now and here, this is my salvation, I will stop looking now. IT'S DESTINY

Of course it will work out. It will work out by sheer force of will, and no mistake. You have decided it is worth it, so the hammers will come out, and carefully pound your lives in around each others', over time. It will work. Seriously. You're set.

But while all this construction is going on, let's keep one thing 'on the level', shall we:

Essentially, this is all taking place because you're both tired of rejecting, and you found a really good excuse to stop. An excuse with enough punch behind it to, hey, really make it stick this time. "Fuck it, this is the brass ring, baby! Because I SAID SO. I'll hate myself forever if I don't leap into this right now, and find out."

Oh, I can't blame you. If I had a chance to hook up with someone I'd had my eye on for a half-dozen years, and they were finally free and I was, uh, "free", I'd probably get mighty worked up over it myself. It would carry such a huge romantic weight of "destiny", "happy ending", and "closure", almost entirely independent of my true understanding of the person at hand, and completely without any working knowledge of how daily life will evolve.

I graduated from that dangerous reasoning when I left High School. Since then I've met some very fine people, and discovered some things I never thought possible. I've had to conquer a fear of the unknown, and trust my ability to carve what's good out of the rest of the world at large, and it's a skill that I grow more competent in every day, though I am at times unmotivated to employ it, for so much is right in my own room and head. The net is vast and infinite, as she says in Ghost In The Shell.

How's the saying go? "If you love someone, set them free"? There was always an implicit assumption between my ex2 and I, that if we ever decided to get back together, it would be for a long fucking time, or never at all. That assumption was helpful in that it made sure our breakup was in earnest, and well defined. It was also bizarrely tempting, because it had the feel of a very good excuse to stop rejecting, and take the lessons we'd learned apart, plus our past history, and stick at it.

But you can't compete with destiny. And unless I keep learning more good reasons why this is happening, I am in danger of losing a kind open friendship, feeling it curdle down to the sharp, acrid poison of contempt. I am trying to understand enough, to prevent this.

Will you burn your bridges so completely?
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