Garrett (garote) wrote,
Garrett
garote

Human Adventure Game tagged on the end of an old email

You are sitting in your room, at your desk.

>look desk.

There is a GS and a CD player here.

>turn on GS. program mario trolls.

The GS makes a high whining sound.
You write trampoline and crumbling-block code until you can no longer think properly. Your left leg will not stop jittring.

>program mario trolls.

You attempt to fix a bug, but it escapes between your fingers. You stomp around on the horizontal velocity code, hoping to catch it, but it scurries into the shell sprite code and buries itself. You actually make negative progress on the game.

>leave room.

You are standing in your downstairs living room. The temperature has dropped 400 degrees between rooms.

>turn up thermostat.

The heater coughs into life. The icicles on the TV melt, revealing an episode of Beavis and Butthead.

>turn off TV.

The off switch does not work. you hear: "Look, beavis, a hole in the wall!"
"Let's rape it!" followed by raid fire giggling that makes your ears ring.
The heater is setting your pants on fire.

>go outside.

You yank open the frosted door and step onto your porch. It is drizzling, which clears your senses. There is an extremely bent Iron Bar in the doorway.

>get iron bar

As you grip the Iron Bar, all intelligence leaves your eyes. You suddenly feel that you have a lot of energy that must be wasted.

>enter house

The Iron Bar glows as it approaches beavis and Butthead. The heater has melted into a smoking mass on the filthy carpet.

>smash TV.

You bash Beavis' forehead in, mid-giggle. There is a loud boom and a sizzling sound as a pile of thick glass falls to the floor and a cloud of dull brown gas rises to the ceiling. You feel a fair bit better now that the foul demons are no longer on the TV set.

>run upstairs

Beavis and BUtthead are on the TV up here too. Your cat is in the middle of the room, kneeling over the corpse of a very large animal.

>look corpse

It seems to resemble a purple dinosaur.

>smash in TV

You bash in the TV, catching Butthead in the nose as he prepares to go couch fishing. Your cat runs from the room, leaving the big purple corpse. You hear blooping and beeping, as if from a cheap video game, somewhere off in the distance.

>run outside.

You sprint through the front door with a crash, sending wired glass and wood chips spraying all over the driveway. Your cat is here, dragging the corpse of another purple beast, this one female. It is not quite dead, as it is whining in a very high voice about children.

>put corpse out of misery

You bash in the head of the purple beastie, ending it's torment. Your cat proceeds to decapitate it, in very small bites. Your cat is, after all, very small.
The video game music can be heard again, this time from above you.

>look up

You see a floating fortress- or rather, what must be a floating fortress, since there is no other reason to suspend that much concrete and steel in the air. You see a long rope ladder rapidly uncurling down towards you.
Your cat has eaten the head of the corpse, skull and all, while you weren't looking.

>climb ladder

When the ladder has unfolded before you, you grasp it, and it begins to wind back up, yanking you skyward at mach 2.
Abruptly you are standing in a metal room with a huge pile of rope ladder in it's center. A gray door is the only exit.
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