Garrett (garote) wrote,
Garrett
garote

  • Mood:

hmm

Okay, so, I took a long shower, and I think I figured out why that voice is nagging me.

It's because, the past three times I've been in or come close to a relationship, I've put everything into it and essentially waited for my intimacy, my sexual desire, or my interest, to be reflected. Each time it was a different thing that was missing. Each time, it was never returned, or returned in bare starved flashes that only strung my hopes along, until I was exhausted.

The thought that I may be making the same mistake, over and over, sets my teeth grinding in my head. I assumed I had just as much patience as ever. I fear I may be wrong. And I fear it will compel me to react in unfair or peremptory ways.

Other people's caution is justified, given the world at large. I understand that perfectly. But is this impatience ever justified? And what would it take to restore my patience? What communication or experience?

Man, it's late. Enough of this. Bedtime.
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