Garrett (garote) wrote,
Garrett
garote

ramble

Contentment. That's a good word to describe how it is, sitting in front of this fire. Almost touching it, actually. I took the screen down in order to get the extra heat. Aaah. Now I sit my butt on the hearth and my bendy back presses on the inside of my shirt with each breath. It's like the fire is breathing heat on me. Some Robert Rich creation plays on the stereo, all oozy and serene. The room is dark except for my flickering shadow. La sprawled out on the couch nearby, a big thick blanket over her, the little cat curled up inside that, but she got up to visit the bathroom and I'm momentarily alone. I think the cat is still twined into the blanket, somewhere on the couch.

I drive my little car over the hill and listen to radio shows. I changed the oil in the car today - it needed it. I'd been getting lazy about that. I could feel the sluggishness of the engine when I turned the key, the gears laboring in the old oil. It was time. In fact almost a thousand miles overdue, according to the little windshield sticker. I didn't have a lot of time before work so I went to a drive-through shop and overpaid for it. Then I hit traffic on 17 and ended up very late for work. But that was alright - I just stayed late to compensate.

I'm settling in there. Not settling in as in relaxing - I'm still moving just as fast as I possibly can to keep pace with the fellows in my department - but it does indeed have that marathon feel to it. It doesn't feel like a race against impending doom, more like a skipping around on the jet-stream of work, swaying around obstacles or dismantling them with ease. The contrast is so great from my old job that sometimes I have trouble remembering what I did with all those hours in the day. How could I have passed so much time, and created so little, relatively?

Knowing that I can fit into this environment has helped me feel secure in my future prospects. Before I wasn't sure I could cut it anywhere else. Now I know that, no matter where I go, the challenge will be in having the patience to slow down again. It's an odd reversal. I always took myself as the laid-back type, the type to take the easy route. Not that a job is hard when you enjoy it this much. It also helps to know that the work I do is important. This team of less than a dozen people writes the code that renders everything on the screen of a Mac. When a software update rolls out, and ten million Macs suddenly render graphics a little bit faster, it's because of this group. Just thinking of the time and electricity we save out there in the world makes even the smallest optimization worthwhile.

But I ramble on, and the fire is burning down, and the track has finished, and it is time for bed. I'll pick this up again later.
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